Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
