We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
