his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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