I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
