he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
