____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
