A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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