where am i from again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
