it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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