I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
