There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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