She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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