No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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