I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
