I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
