I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
