And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
