I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
