dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
