I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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