He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
