yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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