Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
