they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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