i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
