he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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