she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dick very happy bro
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
