Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
