you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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