the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
