he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
