I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
