dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
