GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
