she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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