loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
