Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sarcasm needs its own font
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
