And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
