Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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