nut hugger
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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