the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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