Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
