Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
it hurts more in the daytime
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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