Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
