i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
