Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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