her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
