your parents love me but you hate me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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