How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
her vagine was all disorganized.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
