You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
