How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
