i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
