She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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