u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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