Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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