I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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