why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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